“Who has time for Lore?” asks Keymasher Ultimate. “There is no knowledge!! Only action!!”
I narrow my eyes and nod gravely. The game is correct. I no have time for folklore. Not with all these goosebumps on my keyboard.
Ultimate Key Crusher is a free game about protecting your keyboard from “Seglings”, which are small rectangular enemies on small two-wheeled scooters. For unknown reasons (no time for stories, mind you) the Seglings want to roll around on your keyboard and destroy all your keys. Fortunately, you have the perfect weapons to stop them: your keys.
Each round, swarms of wheeled creatures flood a virtual QWERTY keyboard. When one is positioned over a key on the screen, tapping that key will turn that key into a trampoline, sending the creature flying. But there are so many goosebumps and too many keys, that you’ll quickly end up smashing everything on the keyboard as fast as possible. Keymasher Ultimate isn’t just correct about lore, it’s also aptly named.
You earn points and combos by killing creeps (I’m pretty sure every kill except the first is a combo) and each round you survive gives you a weapon that you can assign to the key of your choice. One such weapon is a nuke, a single-shot screen cleaner that not only clears all Seglings from your keyboard, but permanently disables the key you assigned it to. It is worth it.
Other weapons include airstrikes that attack your keyboard with rockets, mortars that drop an explosive at the key you drop it from, and bumpers, which launch packs of Seglings into the air to detonate. Eventually though, there are simply too many, and they start to break your keys, giving you fewer ways to kill them. Once Seglings has saturated your keyboard (there is a gauge showing the breaking point), the game is over. But you can always start fresh with a clean new keyboard and try to beat your last score and see how you stack up against other players on a leaderboard.
The only thing I have with Keymasher Ultimate is that the keyboard has no space bar. When I think of frantically hammering a key, it’s usually the spacebar, and it would be the perfect key to hit when I wanted to call in an airstrike to take out a bunch of creatures. Other than that, Keymasher Ultimate is very satisfying, with colorful explosions and Seglings sailing through the air when you blow them up. A+. Would knead again. Download for free here on Itch.io.