The Witcher Is Getting An Official Cookbook, And It’s Not An April Fools Joke

Today is April 1st — that wonderful day of the year when game makers conjure up silly “jokes” to amuse or annoy us, depending on how you feel about these things. It’s a tough day for game journalists, because while some April Fools are obvious, others are more subtle, and we don’t want to look silly by reporting a joke as if it’s real.

But I checked with CD Projekt, and this is no joke: The Witcher Cookbook, “an official guide to mainland food,” is a collection of 80 recipes inspired by the games coming out in October.

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“These dishes celebrate local and seasonal ingredients while adding unique touches that form a culinary map of the continent and beyond,” said the pre-order page it says. “Warm up with a bowl of fragrant stew or succulent roasted fruit from White Orchard’s eponymous trees; end a hard journey to Velen with a hearty, rustic meal at the local tavern; enjoy an aromatic snack as you stroll through Oxenfurt’s markets; try dishes from near and far in the diverse port city of Novigrad; dine on fresh fish and hot drinks on the islands of Skellige; feast on rich dishes in the sunny climes of Toussaint and Beauclair; or forage on the perilous road to Kaer Morhen to learn the secrets edibles from the witch’s stronghold.”

The book – which, again, is real – is authored by Anita Sarna and Karolina Krupecka, who direct the nerds kitchen and wizard kitchen websites. And yes, the Witcher Kitchen, with “recipes inspired by the Witcher games and books”, is also real and has really pretty food – although I’m not sure what to make of it. Elf and onion soup revenue. However, it does include one of Geralt’s most perfect quotes from The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings:

Geralt: What’s in the pot?
Troll: Soup – elf and onion. Boooom. Do you want to try?
Geralt: I don’t really care about onions.
Troll: Stupid Witsha. Good elf taste with onion… tomato taste.

Elf and Onion Soup – Did you think I was joking? (Image credit: Witcher Kitchen)

(Apparently, you can substitute elf meat for elf meat if that’s more to your liking.)

The Witcher Cookbook will be available in a hardcover edition for $35, or you can opt for the Kindle version from amazon for $15. It’s scheduled to come out October 25th. And if what you really like are April Fools jokes, don’t miss our roundup of best video game gags of 2022.

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