I think we have to talk about this $730 Tifa statue

It’s Friday afternoon, which means I was so close to end the week without seeing a horny statue of Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy 7 on the internet. But thanks to a viral tweet from VTuber D Piddy, now I saw a horny statue of Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy 7— from multiple angles — and it’s so absurd that I have to share this cursed knowledge with the world before it completely consumes me.

First of all, you might be wondering: What’s up with this pose? Is this something Tifa does in Final Fantasy 7 Remake? If you’re terminal online, you probably already know that no, this isn’t a game attack or a striptease sequence you somehow haven’t heard of. It’s Jack-O’s pose, named after a character from the Guilty Gear fighting game series. Jack-O does this pose, see, and it’s so ridiculous that now a lot of other characters do this pose because fan artists are an unstoppable force. (Personally I like This one starring Invincible’s Omni-Man).

Jack-O was briefly a great meme in 2021, and given the history of Tifa’s fandom perhaps it was inevitable that we should come to this moment. A time when anyone can own a $730 Tifa statue, carefully rendered to match her look in Final Fantasy 7 Remake, working in the Jack-O style of the Buster sword.

If you want to reflect on Final Fantasy’s history for a moment, consider whether Tifa is in fact. swinging in zack’s grave. We all suffer in our own way.

I have to admit, the quality here looks pretty good. Whoever sculpted it is clearly passionate about their art. The funniest thing about this statue – and there are a lot of funny things about it – is how each promotional image of it is emblazoned with the Final Fantasy 7 Remake logo, even though this is definitely not an officially licensed product.

However, this fooled me for half a second, because Square Enix makes their own line of very expensive figurines and the accuracy of Tifa’s FF7 Remake character model is so accurate. By Square Enix standards, this statue isn’t even that expensive. The creator of Final Fantasy was worried about the $12,000 price tag from a recent statue from Final Fantasy 6. I wonder how he feels about that.

The funniest thing about this statue is the list of options you have to choose from when ordering, which includes these options (all capitals preserved for accuracy):

  • STANDARD
  • ADVANCED WITH INTERCHANGEABLE BARE BODY
  • ADVANCED WITH INTERCHANGABLE BATTLE NUDE BODY
  • ADVANCED WITH TWO INTERCHANGABLE BODIES

If you’re just a big fan of the Jack-O pose, the STANDARD setup is practically a steal, for just $545 – shipping not included.

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